Shards on the kitchen floor
by guiltyashell
Summary: Slowly she made her way to her bathroom, feeling just how tired she was by the effort she had to put into moving her feet. Tomorrow she'd talk to Jane!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey :) Ok so this is actually the first fanfiction I'm posting on here and I really hope you like it.**

**I'm open for criticism as long as you're not gonna be mean...**

**Ok so this is a tag to Il Tavolo Bianco and it's from Lisbon's POV and starts right where the episode left of**

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Lisbon let out a deep breath while watching Jane leave.

She felt something wet on her right cheek and a familiar burning sensation in her eyes.

Hastily she reached up to wipe the tear away. Damn that man and his ability to make her tear up as soon as he opened that gorgeous mouth letting out sweet words laced with sorrow and regret, coming so close to telling her what she wanted to hear, but not speaking the actual, from her desired, words.

She was not one of those girls who just started crying. Teresa Lisbon didn't do tears and yet here she was fighting the lump that was forming in her throat.

That aching feeling that had been settling in her gut over the last few days spread through her body, willing her to break down. Right here on her porch. How easy it would be to give up the pretence, let down her walls and just let herself feel all the pain that was stored up in her. Not to care about anything but herself and her need to let out all the sadness...

...No she wouldn't do that! Her stubbornness almost always got the best of her and tonight would be no different.

She took one last deep breath before turning around and entering her house.

Marcus was sitting on the couch, trying to look like he was watching the TV, but Lisbon saw the tension in his shoulders and the way he watched her every move out of the corner of his eyes, as she made her way through the living room and into the kitchen. She needed some time to get herself together and she hoped filling the food, Jane had brought, onto the plates would cover up the shaking of her hands.

Lisbon was angry now. She was used to her rapid emotion change. Over a decade with Jane was one emotional rollercoaster.

How dare him to just come to her home and talking to her with that hoarse voice, saying all he wanted was for her to be happy, after he made her feel like he didn't really care if she left or not. The rational side of her tried to speak up, that of course she knew he cared he always had, but Lisbon fought it down. She didn't want to reflect and try to see the whole story from his eyes, she wanted to be angry and she had a damn right to be.

She heard Marcus enter the kitchen and knew he would approach her, but she still moved away from his hand, when he placed it on the small of her back.

"What's going on Teresa?" he asked the concern in his voice speaking volumes about his character, about what a good guy he was. She was just about to turn around and smile. To pretend everything was alright for him, so he wouldn't worry, but then he had to go there "Is Jane okay?"

Lisbon couldn't hold back the snark "Oh Jane is doing just fine!"

Marcus took a step back and she was afraid to turn around, afraid he would look at her with pity thinking Jane and her had had a fight, not knowing what this whole thing was actually about, but she couldn't stall any longer.

She moved and turned to him and let out a silent gasp at what she found in his eyes. _Understanding, Regret _and maybe even something close to _Relief._

Why would he be relieved? "I'm sorry." She said, saying it out of habit not because she meant it " I shouldn't have lashed out at you. It's just that I'm tired and..." She didn't get to finish her sentence as Pike interrupted her "It's alright Teresa. I knew what I got myself into and I knew that Jane would be in the picture as well, but I took my chances... I guy has gotta have dreams right?"

She looked at him with wide eyes. He knew? All the time he knew how she felt about Jane and still he wanted to be with her.

"No Marcus, that's not..." He smiled a sad smile at her when she couldn't finish the sentence.

"Like I said. It's alright Teresa. Let me just get some of my stuff and I'll leave"

Now there were tears in her eyes again. "Marcus, I..."

He walked up to her and gave her a soft kiss then he turned around to grab his things and left Lisbon in the kitchen.

When she heard the front door fall shut she allowed her self to sink down to her kitchen floor.

Now she wouldn't mind crying. No one was around. And of course now the tears were nowhere to be found.

Anger bubbled up in Lisbon and without further thinking about it she grabbed one of the plates from the kitchen counter and threw it against her wall. Taking immense pleasure in the sound the ceramic made when it shattered against the hard surface.

The shards danced around on the tiles. The noises that the broken pieces made while clinking against each other made her calm and she took slow and even breaths before getting up and carefully stepping around the remains of the plate.

She'd clean it up tomorrow. Right now all she wanted was a hot bath and time to sort all her feelings out.

Tomorrow she'd talk to Jane and she'd make him say what he meant. If she had to use force to get him to talk she would. So god help her.

Slowly she made her way to her bathroom, feeling just how tired she was by the effort she had to put into moving her feet. Tomorrow she'd talk to Jane!

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**Okay so that's it... Thoughts? I think this will be a oneshot let me know if you want me to continue it...  
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	2. Chapter 2

**Hey :) So here i am again with the second chapter to this story, because all you guys are amazing and I can't thank you enough for your kind words that encouraged me to keep this story going. Okay it's only one chapter but still...**

**I hope it's not dissapointing for those of you who had some expectations to how the talk would go...**

**Have fun reading ;)**

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Jane opened his eyes and turned his head to the left, skimming the empty bullpen. Everybody had left already, but Lisbon's bag still hung on her chair at her desk, so she had to be somewhere in the building.

She had been distant today. He suspected it was because of their talk yesterday evening.

She was probably just taking some space to get things in perspective, but then again he didn't really know why she did the things she did anymore. He pretended to know her every move, using little obvious things he had already memorized about her to make her believe she was as predictable as she had been when they worked at the CBI, but the truth was she had changed in the two years he had been hiding out in Venezuela.

Jane moved into a sitting position, gaze locked on his shoes, deep in thought, when he heard Lisbon walking over to his couch. Her footsteps had been one of the first things to receive a place in his mind palace, right next to the firmness of her handshake and the sound of her voice.

Over the years he had filled a book, every page dedicated to a different thing about her.

The velvet shape of her lips, the curve of her lashes, the way she scrunched up her nose when she was annoyed, her shampoo smell...

He looked up to find her standing in front of him. Her eyes raging with emotion and still the rest of her looked so calm.

"We have to talk." She murmured before sitting down next to him.

Jane hummed and faced her. " I uh... I think I already said what I needed to yesterday..."

She rolled her eyes. he loved it when she rolled her eyes at him. He wasn't completely certain, but he thought he'd heard her mutter "Sure you did" before she let out a long breath and tried again "Okay let me rephrase that, I need to talk... to you."

"Then by all means, talk." he made a flourish gesture and Lisbon glared at him.

"Okay first of all. Could you knock it off? I'm being serious here."

The grin that had made its way to his lips dropped and he nodded. "I'm sorry. I'm listening..."

Lisbon held his gaze for a minute before she looked away and started speaking. "I think we both know how I feel about you."

Wow, okay he did not expect her to say something like that. "Uhm, I guess... I know you don't hate me and that you care..." he stuttered when her silence made it obvious that she expected some sort of answer.

"Come on you can't fool me... You always say you can read everyone." She frowned at him, clearly not content with his answer.

"You're not as transparent as I say you are, love." He said quietly, too late realizing the term of endearment might not have been the wisest thing to say out loud.

Besides a rosy blush covering her cheeks, she didn't acknowledge his choice of words in any way. "You don't have to have special observing skills to figure out how much you mean to me."

She looked him fully in the eye and he almost recoiled at the love that was shimmering inside her orbs.

Pure and utter love, directed at him.

Of course it wasn't the first time he'd seen it in her expression, but it was the first time he let himself be completely aware of her feelings for him and it set loose a wave of emotion that seemed to rush through his veins and reach every last inch of him.

A smile pulled at Lisbon's lips when she saw the recognition settling on Jane's features.

"Alright now that we have that covered, my problem is, that I don't know what I am to you. What you feel for me..." She stopped him from speaking up with a look and continued. "You say a lot of sweet things and I'm sure you mean them all, but you can't blame me for wanting you to be clear about what I mean to you. You say I have no idea what you mean to me, but you won't tell me either so how am I supposed to know?"

"I do t..." He tried to cut in, but Lisbon wouldn't have any of it.

"No I'm not done talking. You see, I get life's not been kind to you don't want to get hurt again, but I can't wait any longer when I'm not even sure what I'm waiting for.

I thought after Red John things would change... between us, but they didn't and I accepted that. I was okay with only being your friend, but then as soon as I try to have a life that is is not circulating around you and have someone who tells me that he cares and who I know, will always be there for me, you act like a lost puppy. Saying the things a friend would say, but looking at me like I'm breaking your heart and you just can't do that!"

Jane thought about taking her hand in his, but chances were that she was gonna slap it away and he wanted her to get everything off her chest, no matter how hard it was to hear her say all those things, so he chose not to interrupt her and simply waited for her to continue.

"Before I make any decisions about moving to D.C. I want you to tell me how you feel about all of this and about me and I don't want to hear you saying you want me to be happy, just ... tell me what you want."

She looked at him expectantly and Jane swallowed before quietly answering "You"

She frowned and he repeated " I want you."

Her eyes closed for a second and he saw the edges of her mouth twitch. Then she looked at him again. Determination written on her face. "As what?"

"As everything! I just i want all of you and I want everything and I know I took a lot of you already, but I want you to give it freely and I want to deserve it. I know I'll probably never will deserve..." His last sentence was cut off by her lips on his.

hand lay on his shoulders and one reached up to palm his scruffy cheek. Softly and slowly her responded to the kiss. His lips moving against hers, trembling when she brushed the tip of her tongue against his mouth.

He pulled away way too soon for his liking, but he had to ask her something.

"What about Marcus?" He admitted that he wasn't a big fan of the man, but that had mostly to do with his relationship with Lisbon. He couldn't help but feel guilty thinking he was making Lisbon cheat on him.

She had moved closer and was nuzzling his neck while she answered "We broke up yesterday..."

"Oh." he let out. "I'm uh... sorry."

Lisbon moved her head back looking him in the eyes "No you're not." She huffed.

"Yeah I'm not." He admitted grinning.

"Yeah well you're better not, because then I'd punch you in the face."

jane smiled fondly at her and reached out to cup her face. "That's my girl."

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**And that's it again :) Please let me know what you thought and if any of you have ideas for other stories let me know and I'll gladly see if I can write something...**


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